I'm now 25.

Sep 1, 2023 - ⏱️ 2 minutes to read

A quick disclaimer: I will not talk specifically about technology, photography or what else. This is about me. This is about what is the perception of me at the moment and what I’m asking from me for the future. You are looking at an open letter to my future self, but please, if you feel like it, go ahead and read it!

Hey, today I’m turning twenty-five, and, to put it in Taylor Swift’s words, I feel like we are “Dancing With Our Hands Tied”.

I’m currently in a stretch of time of questioning. One of the questions that is always roaming free in my mind is a question of purpose. Sometimes, out of a sheer of confusion, I feel like I’ve lost purpose.

As an example, a thing that brought joy to me, for a major part of my life, was coding and programming. Nowadays, I only do it out of necessity. I only deployed two personal projects this past year. Yeah, I know, I had many (lots of many) other tasks to accomplish, and all personal coding projects fall out of importance for me. That’s worrying since I’m a Computer Science student, but, nonetheless, it feels great to not spend my free time in front of a blinking cursor on vim (R.I.P. Bram Moolenaar) on a computer screen.

The little free time I have is now well spent on photography, hanging out with friends (that I’m really grateful for), making pizza (I’m getting pretty good at it), or, more recently, learning Japanese on Duolingo. こんにちわ!

I realised that the best thing for my mental health is to avoid setting myself up to unrealistic standards, and, sometimes, have a little positive self-talk to look back on accomplishments. I can’t still move away from thinking of being the worst in the room.

Don’t get me wrong, this way of thinking has some positive connotations, but I’m still trying to find a healthy balance and to embrace humility without disregarding my own value.

To be honest, I’m not feeling good with my body (f*ck Hashimoto's thyroiditis) but that’s a given. I have a bad year followed by a good year, with weight oscillations (of around 10 kg) that sometimes make me feel that my body isn't really mine and a face that sometimes I don't recognize.

The past month was a month of changes. Heck, this year was a year of changes. The pages of my life turned, challenging myself to adapt, learn and, I think, grow.

I had to make profound self-reflection to reshape the landscape of my emotions and connections.

I’m now 25.

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